An ADF Druid's trials, tribulations, musings, and victories

…especially when you live in a house that you don’t like for multiple reasons.

I currently live with my two parents and my cat.  Somehow, my parents thought they needed a two-story house, with four bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms, for all of us.  At the time they had the house built, we had a dog, and I had no idea I would have a cat.  I was about to start sixth grade.  I didn’t really understand that my parents needed more space for meaningless stuff, and that a “good” neighborhood for them meant one with virtually all white people and churches yards from each other.

Not only do I not like where I am living, I don’t really like my parents either.  I honestly wondered when I was younger if I was actually adopted because I seemed so different from my parents and the rest of the family.  This is partially due to the fact that I have Asperger’s Syndrome, a form of autism.  However, my conception of the world is vastly different from that of my parents.  They refuse to learn about my faith, though I have officially “come out” to them about it.  My parents aren’t the least bit curious about how I plan to celebrate the Winter Solstice/Yule within my faith.

Due to the suspicion surrounding my Druidry, I must be very careful when I perform rituals and generally do work related to Druidry (such as my Dedicant’s Path work within ADF).  If I am working on something “weird,” instead of my parents respecting my choice of reading material, they ask what I am doing.

I cannot perform rituals in my room when they are home, for the simple fact that I have a door with no lock.  I have had no lock on my door since I was a child at the old house because I would lock myself in my room whenever I was angry or my parents wouldn’t leave me alone (when I was very little).  This has carried over into my adult life at my parents’ house, unfortunately.  There is always the chance that someone will get suspicious that the door is shut and open the door without bothering to knock.  Even when my fiance comes over, the door is to be left open (not to mention we can’t even sleep in the same bed if we’re in a hotel room with my parents).

Druidry is also hard when you don’t have a driver’s license.  My fiance doesn’t have one either.  We are both just too terrified I guess.  I can’t ask to go to the local “New Age” shops because my mother will refuse to take me.  Also, the bus system in my county is virtually nonexistent.  I also can’t randomly ask to go to a friend’s house to perform a ritual or something because I normally don’t get out much (this is mostly due to the lack of a good bus system).

My parents (especially my mother) think I should be a homemaker or something who just keeps house all day.  My mom will ask me to do things like run the dishwasher or do laundry over the next couple weeks because I’m done with my semester.  My parents obviously don’t think I have anything else to do, when I could be reading about Paganism or working on the DP.  They also don’t understand that I don’t want to be the typical wife who just keeps house for her husband and all of that.  My fiance actually likes to cook, and has agreed to help me with things like laundry and keeping our home clean.

I guess my point is that a lot of you Pagans and Druids out there are lucky to either be living with people who respect and tolerate your faith or are living alone.  I would love to be able to decorate for the High Days, but I must do so indirectly or else I will get asked about it, leading to an explanation that will just be ignored in the long run.  I would also love to be able to do rituals in peace and know I won’t be disturbed by someone coming home early, or taking the day off, or whatever.

If anyone has advice, reassurance, ideas, or anything else they would like to share, please leave a comment.

Blessings, Victoria

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Comments on: "Druidry is hard…" (5)

  1. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I am very grateful that my family has become more accepting and even curious about my faith over time, but I remember how hard it was when I first started. My father *hates* incense so (incense freak that I was) I couldn’t ever burn it unless he was out. And even then, he’d give me trouble about it when he came home. And I could never meditate without people knocking to check on me. They had the best of intentions, but they didn’t understand that I just wanted quiet time to be alone… Things are definitely better now that I have my own place. I wish you all the best and hope you’re able to get an apartment in the near future! Independence like that makes a huge difference… And in the meantime, I sense you’re strong enough to make the most of it!

    • Thanks Grey. My mom actually doesn’t like incense either, so I have to wait when she’s out to burn it. And my mom also often does give me trouble about it when she gets home. 🙂 Hopefully, my fiance and I will be able to move out by Spring Equinox since I plan to get a job by February (being a graduate and all). Thanks for your post; I appreciate it.

      Many blessings!

  2. you are going to hate this: give it time. It was YEARS before I felt any connection to any Kindred. Eventually you will be out of the house and able to have things the way you want it. Be patient (and don’t throw things at me for being the voice of reason. ) 🙂

  3. Let me start by saying my heart goes out to you Victoria. I can hear how unsettled you’re feeling right now in your words and in between the lines of text. What I can also hear in your post is growth. It feels as if you may be moving from one phase of your life to another and yes, that’s painful and its scary. It can feel, at times, like you don’t belong anywhere. You’ve out grown where you are and you’re not quite ready (sometimes for purely logistical reasons) to be fully where you’re going yet either.

    What I can assure you is that its natural. In fact you should celebrate this time if you can muster up the wisdom to do so. So many people get stuck at these points and simply live out their life in quiet desperation. You’re growing and evolving. That is likely to make people around you feel awkward. Having someone you love change is a scary thing because it changes you too. When this happens people often act out unconsciously to try to put you back into that place they’re comfortable with so that they can go back to being comfortable.

    It may not be possible to get your family to embrace your spirituality but that doesn’t mean you have to estrange yourself from them. As other’s have said before me, it’ll get easier when you get a place of your own. That natural barrier will give you freedom on a great number of levels and allow this next phase of your life to take root. You might be amazed to find that after your family sees how happy you are, things will change for the better.

    I’m so excited for you and what your future holds. Stay the path my friend.

    • Thank you for your kind words, Myrddin. I appreciate it very much. Yes, this is indeed a time of transition for me. I have found out my grades do allow me to graduate as of Friday, so that means I need a real job. I also am looking for an apartment with my fiance, since we’re getting married next September. (A slight problem exists with the wedding–my mother is paying for it. We can’t have the truly Pagan ceremony we desire since my mom will refuse to pay for it.)

      Lots of transitions, but it’s an exciting time to finally be moving out into the world after more or less six years of college! 🙂

      Many blessings to you,
      Victoria

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