I had been somewhat upset.  I was thinking about a Skype conversation I had recently where everyone was talking about hearing and visions of various Goddesses.  I was rather quiet, as I have not had any such experiences.

Earlier today, I asked some fellow ADF members what their experiences were like after being Pagan for 3 years.  I received a number of replies–some were from other people who didn’t have visions, and others were from people who seemed a bit hostile (perhaps I am reading that into responses when it wasn’t there).

Suddenly I had the insight of making an offering of the rest of my cup of tea to the tulip tree in the backyard.  I went outside and said words along the lines of, “This is for whoever out there might care about me” as I poured the tea.  (I had been feeling as if none of the Kindreds really cared since they didn’t grant me visions and such.)

I sat next to the tree asking the same question over and over in my head:  “Does anyone out there really care about me?”  As if in response to my question, the sun came out from behind a cloud and shone brightly on me, warming me up.  Then the sun disappeared behind another cloud.

“Sunna?” I asked aloud.  The sun appeared again to confirm my thought.  I went back inside, excited about my discovery.

I have decided to start honoring Sunna more often to connect with her better.  Obviously, a Goddess cares.


5 thoughts on “

  1. I’m glad you found your experience of connection. I want to confirm what you’re saying though – I have, in the last almost decade of paganism, had a direct experience with what I believe is Divinity… once. And that was VERY recently, and it was pretty small (all things considered), and it definitely hasn’t happened again.

    There are LOTS of pagans who never “hear” the Gods or “see” the Gods in visions – I think we just get a lot of posts and emails from them online because they are looking to share (in excitement) or for confirmation that they’re not barking moonbats crazy.


    Especially “Having said that, I’m gonna say this: most Pagans aren’t having super intense experiences all the time. Most of my own Pagan experiences, for many years, were not. I was not godtouched in a way that I was aware of consciously. If you’re reading the Internet and starting to feel as if your experiences aren’t good enough, I’m gonna strongly suggest that you get off the Internet and interact with some actual Pagans or Heathens.”

    I know you’re isolated/solitary, so obviously it’s not so easy to just “find some actual Pagans or Heathens”, but I think the point is a good one – and it’s a trap I’ve found myself falling into more than once, especially when people start talking about strong devotional experiences. For some/most of us, devotion is about loving the Kindreds, and doing what is right by and for Them – I may have a connection to Freyr (and you may have one to Sunna, which I think is AWESOME), but the reality of spiritual life – ALL spiritual life – is that most of it is mundane. It may sometimes be punctuated with cooler bits, but the internet makes that seem vastly disproportionate.

    So don’t lose heart! I think the question “Which of you are MY Gods?” is a fantastic one, and I am glad you got such a heartful answer. But know that you’re very normal not to have lots of mystical experiences! Daily devotion is about the doing 🙂

    I should probably make a blog post about this!

    • I would love to read a blog post from you about this! And I guess that means most ADF members aren’t “real” Pagans, which is interesting. That’s probably a discussion best left for another time.


      • I think ADF members are definitely “real” Pagans – there is no “God-Litmus-Test” for paganism! (or I’d have failed it long ago!) I think what you’re seeing is just a combination of ADF specifically training people to have mystical experiences (through the Dedicant Program and other programs), and a natural selection bias on the internet to these kinds of encounters. If you ask people about their mystical experiences, you’re going to get a higher percentage of “yes” responses, simply because it’s both easy to say yes, and because that’s seen as something to take pride in – so people want to share it. Where people (like me) who haven’t had much or anything in the way of mystical experiences are very likely to see the email, think “not talking about me” and just delete it instead of responding. This is ESPECIALLY true in group conversations, and I think you experienced it yourself! People were talking about their experiences with the Gods, and because you hadn’t had what you perceived as one, you stayed quiet. There may have been other people who stayed quiet for the same reasons 🙂

        When that post says “real pagans” I think what it means is that you can be a real pagan and NOT have amazing mystical experiences with the Gods, not that having those experiences makes you somehow “not real” – it’s a statement of affirmation, of inclusion into the group. There’s no test for paganism that says you can’t be part of the group until you’ve had XYZ experiences (and I’m glad there isn’t, because not everyone even WANTS those experiences).

        You are no less a Druid for not having visions or “hearing” the Gods (just as I am no less of one for whatever it is that I’ve experienced). Your devotion to them is admirable, and something to strive for. That’s what matters in the end 🙂

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