Meditation Experience (7/20 – 7/27)

Saturday evening, 7/20:  Performed counted breathing while laying in bed as an attempt to relax and get to sleep.  Pattern used was breathe in 4 counts, hold breath 4 counts, breathe out 4 counts, hold breath 4 counts.  Managed a slow and steady count.  Not sure how long I performed this technique, but it really helped me to fall asleep.

Sunday evening, 7/21:  Did counted breathing again to relax and sleep.  Used same pattern as above.  Dreamed that I was in some sort of financial institution.  I started out in a well-lit area where I walked past some people in lines to get credit cards and similar things.  Somehow I ended up getting lost, and I found myself on a somewhat shadowy floor.  I called out for someone to assist me, but no one answered.  I walked around a bit to look for someone and passed a dark open doorway on my right.  As I walked past this doorway, I felt a wave of cold air rush past.  After finding no assistance, I walked back to the doorway.  I stood in front of it and felt the cold air again.  The air was so cold it woke me up.  I found myself calling, “Hello?”  I didn’t feel threatened or apprehensive during this dream.  I did feel that perhaps I was seeing the shadowy recesses of my mind that I have yet to explore.  I am very interested to see how this develops.

Monday evening, 7/22:  Did counted breathing in bed. Felt body relax, but face was tense. Tried to sleep and couldn’t, so tried counted breathing again for a while. Face muscles wouldn’t relax. Had distracting thoughts. May have something to do with the cup of coffee I had around 4:30 in the afternoon. Should’ve known better 🙂

Tuesday evening, 7/23:  First night off stimulant medication that I have taken pretty much ever since I can remember. Had lots of trouble holding after exhale–kept wanting to breathe in after one or two counts. Couldn’t stay focused for long. At least I tried!

For Wednesday & Thursday, 7/24 & 7/25:  I know I meditated one of these nights before going to sleep, but I honestly can’t remember which.  Since I didn’t write down anything about it anywhere, I don’t remember how it went either.  Thursday night I was just trying to get some sleep since I had to get up early Friday morning to make it to an all-day music festival, so it was probably Wednesday when I meditated (though I can’t be sure).

Friday evening, 7/26:  Did some counted breathing laying in bed exhausted after an all-day music festival.  Didn’t really need to breathe for long, as I was dead tired and was ready for some sleep.  Counting and breathing was smooth.  Did see three different Tarot decks in my dreams, though if I’m not sure they’re even real or significant (I don’t use tarot).

Saturday evening, 7/27:  Counted breathing before bed, for a very short period of time.  It does help me relax, but at this point, that’s about it.  I’m only a week in, though, so I shouldn’t be expecting crazy visions and such.  I need to try meditating at some other time in the day, but I don’t really have a space for it.  I also don’t tolerate heat very well, so going outside isn’t such a great idea.

I guess my first week of meditation wasn’t too bad.  I have a tendency to believe that the more I try to meditate and such, the worse I get at it because I seem to be able to do it longer at first and I seem to have an easier time relaxing.  Perhaps I am just deluding myself though.  Anyway, I’ll keep working at it and see what happens!

Blessings, Victoria


2 thoughts on “Meditation Experience (7/20 – 7/27)

  1. One thing you may be doing, if you find meditation easier at first, is the loss of what’s called “beginner’s mind” – as you do meditations, your mind starts to catalog them into “successful” or “unsuccessful”. For the kind of meditation you’re doing, that’s actually counterproductive, even as weird as it sounds to our western idea of “progress”. Meditation isn’t about progress. It will be different every day you sit down to meditate. While you might reflect on what you felt during meditation, try not to judge or compare it to other meditations – ESPECIALLY not DURING the meditation (that’s a fast track to staying wrapped up in thoughts of “this isn’t going well” or “I should be doing better” which just increases your distraction levels). Those “I should” thoughts are particularly toxic to meditative states.

    Let your meditations be what they will be. Some nights they may work better than others, but each time you sit down will be a different experience. Keeping that openness can help you not get into a judgment rut where you’re “grading yourself” on how “good” (or “bad”) you’re doing.

    You also sound like at some point you are expecting to experience visions or trances from doing this kind of meditation. While that’s possible, in my experience trances are different than relaxation meditation.

    • This is great advice! I’m helping Victoria along with a program I’m putting together and this is definitely great stuff to keep in mind. Thank you for sharing!

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