Hail Freya!

I was writing in my DP journal about “personal religion.”  The WOTY book was asking me questions about hearth cultures and Patrons.  It suddenly hit me that I was responding to each question with how Freya influenced my search for a hearth culture.  I realized that the idea of Freya as my Patron had been stuck in my head for a long time.

I decided to do a bit of searching (yay Google!) to find more information about Freya.  I found a website that described her as a Goddess of love and beauty, but also sex, pain, war, and death.  This is actually very fitting for me, in ways that I’d rather not describe here.  She also rides in a chariot driven by two cats.  I got my own cat a few years ago named Frieda, though I grew up with a dog.  Frieda was probably named by the shelter where I got her.  I couldn’t think of any good cat names, so I kept it.  Every day I am reminded of the Goddess Freya thanks to my calico cat.

I decided I would begin to honor Her as my Patron, though I wasn’t quite sure what kinds of offerings She would like.  I sent out an email to the Norse mailing list in ADF asking about possible offerings and went to bed.

When I got up this morning, I performed my morning devotional ritual and took an omen.  Instead of asking my usual question, “Kindreds, what blessings do you have for me today?” I asked “Should I honor Freya as my Patron?”  I drew three runes in response.  These runes were Jera, Kenaz, and Ansuz.

Jera is a rune of the harvest.  Since Freya has fertility associations, she is a Goddess of the harvest.  Jera also refers to the year ahead, so I took this to mean that perhaps Freya will be my Patron for the next year, but I’m not entirely sure about this interpretation.

Kenaz is a rune of either cheer or pain and death.  Since we are dealing with Freya, though, I believe Kenaz was both cheer and death.  Kenaz is just a reflection of Freya, like Jera.

Finally, we have Ansuz.  Ansuz can indicate a new beginning.  Having a personal Patron is certainly a new beginning for me!  It also refers to communication and wisdom from the Shining Ones.

Combining all of these interpretations, the answer to my question was yes.  I read in my email that Freya likes coffee, so I made some and offered Her the first “sip” of the cup outside with a few words acknowledging Her presence in my life.

Later in the day, I was not feeling well.  I climbed into bed and took a nap.  As I was starting to wake up, I closed my eyes again to fight the urge to get up.  When my eyes were closed, I saw a figure of a woman with a feathery-looking cloak flying upwards to the Sky.  I knew that was Freya.

I am thrilled to have found a Patron, at least for now.  I know Freya will bless my life.

May you find your Patrons also,
Victoria

Minority within a minority

Paganism is well-known to be a minority religion.  There aren’t many of us, but our voices are loud, making it seem like there are more of us than there are.

Many Pagans describe various experiences that led them to practice their faith, such as visions of Deities and Spirits, the presence of various animals associated with certain Beings, and other communication with the Otherworld.

I am not one of those Pagans.

I feel as if I am part of a minority within the minority of Paganism–that I am a member of the small group of Pagans who have not had a religious experience prior to becoming Pagan.

I actively chose my faith.  I did not have a vision of Freya, Hermes, Brighid, or other Shining Ones.  I did not have an affinity for a particular animal or tree (unless you count the tree I talked to in elementary school because I had few human friends).  I did not have a relative who passed down folk traditions to me.

The only “experiences” I have had that are remotely similar to those described above are general interests and fleeting thoughts that I remember.  I remember that I had a general like of Nature, and I felt anything was possible, when I was young.  I had the feeling magic was real.  I’ve always been interested in fairies and other Spirits.  I went through a phase where I was obsessed with the Western zodiac system.  I am still interested in magic and how it fits into my practice of Druidry.  I also remember having the thought that mythology was considered real to the people whose practices were based on it, so who are we to say that they were wrong?

When I found Paganism, I decided it was for me because I liked the emphasis on Nature and the Earth.  It was also the religion that made the most sense to me out of all the choices I was aware of.  I also liked the acceptance of magic as real.

Much talk in Paganism is focused on Patron Deities and Spirits.  I have yet to find any.  I have not been “called” by Anyone, despite my efforts within ADF to find Someone.

Perhaps I don’t need a Patron.  I find that hard to believe because I have wished many times in life to have some sort of guidance.  I feel as if I would learn more about life and myself if I had help.

There is always the question of whether any Patron would want me.  This thought is rather depressing, especially since I have felt as if I was not wanted all throughout life.  I always had trouble making friends, and today I feel as if my family would not want me if they knew the true me.  If I have a Patron, wouldn’t they be aware of this issue and reassure me that I am wanted?

And so, I continue to wander through darkness, searching for Someone who will accept me as I am–nothing more, nothing less.

Blessings, Victoria